Rape jokes: Let's not make them common, please!

I know that the title above may have repulsed many and most of the men would have passed over this blogpost thinking that this is just another feminist rant. After all, we have so many articles all over the internet elucidating the need of feminism, then why to bother yourself with another one?

There are moments when I come across certain type of people and I feel sorry. I feel sorry not for themselves, but for the society and for the people around them. This is one such moment. I choose to maintain an arm's length from bigots who have no respect for women and their issues, but I still get mired in these circumstances where I have to face these people, specially men, who think that a woman's cause is NO cause!  To the disillusioned, the society is utopian and all the women related issues are completely made up.

I've heard so many men echoing the same thing:  "Not all men rape. I have never thought of raping a woman. A woman can feel safe with me." But, can I feel safe with you if you think that only rape is an issue, and anything less than that is acceptable? 

This post is inspired by a recent anecdote of my friend, where she was mocked by her social circle for being too concerned about her safety. She took the permission from her friends to leave a gathering at 5.30 PM, because she had to drive back home for an hour and a half. For those who live in Delhi, you know that be it 7PM or 7AM, it's never safe for women. The screenshot below would give a better picture.

Her peers tried to make her stay, but she politely refused. Grumbled by her adamancy, a man in her group exclaimed "it's just 5.30. KAUNSA RAPE HOJAEGA" (it's just 5.30. You're not going to get raped). Everyone joined in for a laughter on this "joke". "Arey kya urgency hai, mein bhi toh ruki hu" (what's the urgency, even I am here), said her another female friend. She was startled, and she quietly left the place without any retort. Their laughter reminded her that it's not just one man or woman who thinks like that, maybe, it's the whole society. 

Do you also find it funny? 

I sometimes wonder why only rapes are taken seriously. Do women need to get raped to make their point?

Women have been taught to adjust. No one can play down the amount of work women are capable to take upon themselves: if you have seen your mother working, you might know what female strength I'm talking about. Before you jump into a conclusion, there's no MAN vs WOMAN comparison that I'm making: the fact being stressed, is that a woman can unquestionably adjust and manage things beyond their capacity. She can adjust to stay late in circumstances when required and she will push her boundaries to go out of her comfort zone and to get the task at hand completed, but, would you assure her safety?

I remember another such anecdote.

Imagine this: An evening of 8 PM in a fairly crowded place of a metro city such as Delhi. A young woman is waiting for her brother to receive her. She thought it's safe and it won't harm waiting for a few minutes, unless, a random guy who is covering his face with a helmet, tries to grope her at her waist. She pushes him aside, but he forces, which ultimately tears her kurti (from her waist). Everyone saw this, but no one came to her help. The woman was left in tears and she ran to her brother when he arrived. The person in the helmet had left by then. The woman cried until midnight.

The woman described above is me. 

To the woman reading this: I know most of you have been through a similar experience.

To the insensitive people who make "rape jokes" and who are reading this: yes, I wasn't raped. But, the moment has left a mental scar which exists even today. The wound has filled up, but it sometimes gets triggered in small day to day activities: when I am out buying grocery, I am conscious if someone might grope me again. When I am driving and I lose my way, it triggers me that I might end up getting attention of molesters. I might ignore the men who are cat-calling me when I am walking on the road, and I might behave as if I am unmoved, that I can beat them down. But deep inside it scares me to think: "what if he gropes me". 

What do women who have faced such scathing experiences expect from this society? Not much. A little bit of empathy and a decency for adjustment. Most importantly, to not ridicule issues of women. They're genuine. For better clarity, ask your mother, she would have more stories to tell from her experiences as well. 

The moral science classes in our schools was an excellent attempt to make us perfect human beings, but has it worked? The "rape jokes", which keep coming back in one form or the other, show a different picture.

Am I wrong to be triggered by the "rape jokes" or am I really missing out on some humour?

RIDING THROUGH THE HIGHS AND LOWS.

I won't be lying if I say that I have been a little lost.

A 25 year old me disdained the people for their lack of interest in learning new things in life, so, this was difficult for me to confess. A part of me is twitching right now for putting it out in public. A part of me regrets for not living up to the expectations that I had set for myself previously.

It wasn't always like this.There was a time when something as mundane as Instagram gave me a purpose to live my life to the fullest. Hailing from a generation which texted on QWERTY mobiles and took four clicks on button to type a digit (remember the sequence? "abcd1")], it was a different world to me which made me see the things I am yet to do in life. I remember scrolling through the feed and stumbling upon to see posts of the new, western form of yoga. Yoga never looked so cool before this. Inspired, I started doing yoga by myself, learning all the yoga postures from Instagram. I never took any yoga class in the process, instead, I chose the longer route of doing mistakes and learning from them. It wasn't the best way to learn, but I enjoyed the process. You never know how time flies by when you enjoy something so much. The journey towards learning is quite underrated. I can now get into postures that look like acrobatics to some, such as the following:

 

"Wow Shreya, you are so good at it now. You are strong and confident. Not many people can do yoga like this. " : I said to myself. I was enjoying this process of self discovery.

Meanwhile, I also picked up learning to play ukulele. It was intimidating at first, as I already had a failed experience with guitar. I wanted to sing songs without requesting someone to give the music for me. This little thought in itself was so self liberating. I was super proud of myself.

A little later, I took up running. A 7-8 km of running almost everyday for a month which culminated into a 21km long marathon and in which I managed to secure second spot. For someone who had prior experience to run in any marathon, it may not have been the best decision to participate in the half marathon straight away without training and strategy. I remember being sick for a week after the run, but deep inside I was happy to prove myself that "I can do anything" and that I would never stop learning in life. It was an all time high- moment in my life.

Fast forward to 2020, the year of pandemic where we were confined in our home. I started drawing and coloring using oil pastels. This was a very short stint and ended with this piece:

                                             

Anyway, one might think that there is nothing big about doing yoga or playing ukulele, then why am I writing about it? Relax, for I am not a yoga trainer nor am I a music trainer advertising  myself. 

To conclude, I always tried to be as productive as I can in my own small ways and I had some achievements in my pocket to make myself happy. Each time I learnt something new, the achiever in me swelled up.

The year 2020 was a trough in my wave of happiness. When I look back, I regret. I regret for not utilizing my potential to learn something new, not being inspired enough to fix PCOS, not volunteering for social causes and not making a final call on career. A part of me was fully convinced at one time to "settle" in an arranged marriage to bring some happiness and change in life. Don't guffaw, I realize it was very foolish of me. 

As I write this post, I am reminiscent of the mistakes that I made. I am not very proud, but I guess that's a part of learning: some just fall, while some fall to break their nose. The latter learns more and always remembers to save their nose first the next time he falls. 

In the upcoming days, you will see me writing more. I fell on my nose and this is a small attempt to fix things. Wish me best of luck!

Dancing to the break of dawn: Welcoming 2020

It is the last day of 2019.  Whatsapp groups are spammed by “Happy New Year” images, beauty salons have introduced the so-called heaviest discounts on beauty services and   e-commerce websites are flashing the “Now or Never” sale banners on their home page. The buzz in the town about the new-year is overwhelming. I feel an urge to indulge myself in the festivity, not because I want to spend my 31^st dancing to  the latest Bollywood songs, but because a voice inside me alerts me that  spending my  New Year’s eve doing things that I do on any other regular day could be a sign that I am becoming old at heart.

I would not be wrong in saying that my New-Year eve celebration is pretty much same every year. Unlike the millennial who spend their New Year’s eve partying and counting seconds to the New Year, I stay at home, watch the award-shows and the dance performances of TV celebrities. Like every year, I revel in the multiple delicacies prepared by my mother and at the strike of 12, the whole family exchanges warm wishes  with each other for the next year and perform a small puja.

As I switch to News-channels and watch flashing videos of fireworks from different countries celebrating the eve in their own unique ways, I wonder what is it about the New Year that makes the world celebrate its arrival? Many people would agree that 2019 was just like any another year in their life. The entire world has been celebrating the New-Year’s eve since ages. I wonder if the people dancing in the club on the New Year’s-eve know the fact that they are celebrating the arrival day of Feast of Circumcision of Jesus Christ.

Anyway, my day ends with a slight excitement of 1^st January, as if it would bring a marginal change in my otherwise routine life.

There is something about the end of the year that I would still celebrate them. I realized this a few days ago, as I scrolled through my google photos library to see the chronologically organized photos which  made me reminiscent of some bittersweet memories of 2019. I saw myself with people whom I no longer talk to. I saw screenshots of the chats and memes that I saved back then to share with my friends. The photos of those beautiful scenic views which took my breath away one year ago do not overwhelm me any more. I realised that without making it too apparent, 2019 changed me and my life in small ways. And though I have no control over the next year, I look forward to the changes, for a true life is incomplete without such tiny changes.

To be or not to be pragmatic.

"Pragmatism belittles you.".

Being a pragmatic person,it was difficult for me to read past these words. 

Before you start wondering what actually pragmatism is,allow me to tell you. Wikipedia describes pragmatism as an approach that evaluates theories or beliefs in terms of the success of their practical application. A philosophical tradition that started back in 1870s in America, pragmatism rejects the idea that the function of thought is to describe, represent, or mirror reality. To put down in simple terms,pragmatism chooses facts over thoughts and sentiments.

It concerned me for a while to read those words. So,while I was trying to delicately balance out the two sides of the pros and cons of pragmatism,I was left in a dilemma over the question of to be or not to be a pragmatist.

Iv always seen "non-pragmatism" as a vulnerable state. A weak position that prefers feelings over facts,a world  that shuns reality and covets the fancy. Because lets face it,it instills a hope- sometimes practical,sometimes gravely impractical.

If this is the case,then how can pragmatism belittle oneself?

Pragmatism chooses mind over heart. It disregards the sweet pleasure of spontaneity,the value of selflessness. Philosophy and literature hold no importance. The sayings and quotations which urge a man to be divine sound cliched and unreasonable to a pragmatist. So while Pretty woman, Beauty and the beast and  the Cinderella stories unfold the layers of the heart of the Non-Ps(Non Pragmatists), such artistic masterpieces leave no thumbprint on the pragmatists. 

Some may say that the virtue of suppression your feelings over the fear of consequences is unworthy. "Life is short to think and act" they say. Others may argue that it is a farcical thing to believe in.("Prevention is better than cure"?). So while the beauty of  "drifting with the sentiments in the moment"  is disdained by the utilitarians,the Non-Ps find it reasonable.The pragmatists will never understand the philosopher's compulsion, and vice versa

Now to be or not to be a pragmatist is the question. Clearly,one can say that pragmatism is the right thing to do because it saves you from the brunt of the consequences. Yet,why isn't it appreciated by us? 

I see people preferring the non-P category over the P all the time. There are people who devote their lifetime working selflessly in NGOs at a minimal wage. Some keep solid perseverance of keep trying in a mismatched relationship with a hope that "maybe,this time it will work" until it leaves them with deep wounds.
 I cant remember how many people appreciated that girl who dumped her boyfriend because he earned less than her-she was unwilling to live a struggling life after marriage. On her back,she was cursed by the people for her deed. Don't you think it was a correct thing to do? After all,she was being pragmatic!

Is this a sign that this society, which  has presently taken a parasitic form that is continuously deriving pleasure out of the grievances of the people, has a hope? That a world where sentiments are given importance over selfishness can be  restored? 

I see what being a non-pragmatist for a moment did to me: it left me with a hope,a false hope.

The dent who left a dent in the society

"When the chips are down, these… these civilized people, they’ll eat each other. "
As and when the Joker(yes,of Batman) uttered these words,it struck a chord in my mind. Though what followed in the movie proved him wrong(when the either boats didnt bomb each other) and restored everyone's faith in humanity, it left me thinking somewhere- was he correct?

Because lets face it. The world is abysmally contaminated at the moment. The people,they are all negative and selfish. How can we not count in those politicians who are filthy-rich but still dont leave a chance to carve out a great section of money from welfare schemes for the poor? No one thinks a minute before tripping over the other person. Children from same mother engage themselves in dirty politics against each other over property of their parents(and that is why I didnt use the word "siblings"). Cases where little young girls are sold to prostitution seem not to end. There's no end to the greed.

There,Israel is hunting down on Palestinians,hundreds of palestinians are dying everyday. Russia is trying to invade Ukraine with an unstoppable force. Each country is desperately seeking an oppurtunity to overpower the other.

The civilized people have started to eat each other for their survival,just like a parasite. Now that the wood is badly termite-ridden,the question is- is there any hope?

Is it the end of the society? 
No,I will say. Because as you know( from my previous articles as well),I have always chosen to look at the brighter side in the darkest moments. Because there is a bleak line at the contours of the society which will save it from being engulfed by the epidemic of selfishness.


Because we do have activists such as Ummayah Naji Jubara who fought against ISIS with a valor until her last breathe.

Because there are people like Durga Shakti who fought against the sand-mafia and his illegal actions without any fear of risking her life.

Because even when there was no whistleblowers protection Act in India, Satyanendra Dubey  risked his life by exposing the financial irregularities in a highway project in Bihar.(He was later killed for doing so by the people involved)

Because we have had personalities like Dr. Narendra Dabholkar,who engaged a war for anti-superstition law despite continuous threats from social groups,because he had seen how people were risking lives of themselves and their babies in the name of superstition.

Because we do have lawyers who fight for rights of the poor,even when they are facing threat of life from the opponent party.

And its not just that. Even in these moments of desperation,there are people who are willingly ready to lay trust on the other unknown person. Or so as AirBnb prove- people who dont know each other are ready to share their accommodation. This is definitely an increasing slope in the graph of humanism.

You may say that Iam just being unrealistically-optimistic.The Joker claimed to win at the end of the movie,with Dent turning into a villain and the not-so happy end of the story. Today,the odds against the society are outweighing the goods-in favor. Also possible that the society will finish itself someday. This is an important time,because if we dont wake up now it will be late forever. And what we will leave behind us for the coming generations will be a world full of foxes ready to shear each other, anytime.

Why Beauty-products' ads should be scrapped off

I fail to find the answer everytime of WHAT makes Indians so peculiar,partly humorous and slightly peeving in almost every sphere.
No,Im not trying to be another Russell Peters. I used to loathe that guy once at a time,had speculated him of climbing up the success by mocking Indians. Its only lately that I have realised,that even if the guy hath done so(or not,that is not the point) what is wrong in it? Every word he speaks,every thing he sneers at,they all are indeed true,isnt it?

I intend not to write about Peters here,or anything against any celebrity. This time,what made me reach the nadir of my tolerance was an advertisement of a beauty cream. The ad, endorsed by Alia Bhatt, shows her going berserk over the one pin-sized pimple on her otherwise as-fair-as-wheat face.
And its not just this ad. Check out the one below.

These ads are bound to make you feel like pariahs if you arent dainty,or if you dont have a clear skin,or that your hair are not beautiful. "Shadi k liye sab sab mana kardete the,jabtak meine xyz nahi lagana shuru kia" and stuff. Yes,the ad makers do their job too well. Because guess what,people are actually persuaded by these ads. They feel a little low about themselves,start relating to the the ad,and the next thing they do is shop for that product from a nearby shop.

The question is,why cant we keep it natural? If men with dark color and hard-streaky skin are acceptable,if men like Remo D'Souza, Rajnikanth,Pankaj Kapur etc can still be revered more for their talent than looks,then why not girls? Why can't we just not talk about/mention about the pimples,blackheads and other trivial faults on the face and other features?

We are humans,and we are all prone to imperfections. No one is perfect. Yes,even Angelina Jolie. Our advertisments must encourage the fact that having a pimple or two,or even having a dark color doesnt mean you're undesirable and nondescript. But what they are doing today is absolutely opposite. No wonder why these days I can see myself surrounded with girls who do not step out of house without makeup,the ones who have pancakes of foundation on their face and thick eyeliner,not to forget to add the red lipstick.Its a whole cult of underconfident girls that these ads have created,girls who feel incomplete in themselves without applying makeup.

And no longer are they only affecting the women. The disorder is rapidly taking in the men of our society. Also, young girls,as young as the ones in 6th standard have started to adopt the attitude of "OMG- I- look- so- ugly -in -that -pimple". What a saddening start to their life ahead.

So next time you see any ad in which the lead character is shown transforming into a LED bulb( ethereally fair,I mean to say) by the use of ABC  cream,or if men are shown being ditched by their gfs for not being good looking,the best thing that you can do is-just ignore. Because these companies of beauty products are not concerned of the heavy affects they'r leaving on people. YOU have to ensure that you are not taken away by them. Because the more you accept yourself in its natural form,the better and easier it is to live in this world. Because those zits on your face aren't special,YOU are :)

What happiness CANNOT do

Is it just me or someone else too thinks that "happiness" is a hyped phenomena?Yes,phenomena.

Since childhood,we are taught lessons of how and what should be done to remain happy. We were told that "serving the poor brings happiness",or "earning a healthy sum is the ultimate source of happiness". Whatever we do,we do to be hapy. Iam studying to get a job that would keep me happy in future,our parents work hard to give us comforts and keep us happy. It seems like every emotion fades in front of this single sentiment.

But consider this: Its not our happy experiences that come into our mind first if asked about our past. On monetizing our past experiences,those which bear the most brunt are not the moments which gifted us gaiety,but are those experiences which left us with bitter memories.

And that is why I say,happiness is a hyped sentiment. That "happiness is the ultimate thing that's desirable for a complete living " is a  paradox in itself,the statement appears to be glossy but adorns a rough surface beneath. Its not all the truth,just like the mirage effect which appears to be true to the thirsty deer but turns out to be false as and when you reach it.

Without other emotions,happiness is incomplete in itself. Sufferings and tribulations are as important as happiness. And I say this not only because its a law of nature that "too much sweetness causes disease",OR for that matter that "every object is a  magnet with positive and negative, both the poles together..each which comes into play as and when needed".

Happiness is about maximizing your benefits and comforts in life,but sufferings take you to a different course.

Sufferings take you deeper down to yourself. Its a phenomena too mystical to understand.
Consider the loss of your mother,or someone too  dear whose absence makes you piquant.  How do you survive through the situation?

When you face hard situations,you relieve yourself of your comfort layer..the layer in which you v been residing for years. You move down to the deeper you,just to discover now an entirely different area to which  you were unknown that ever existed in you. You retrospect ,ask yourself questions.You draw out conclusions..never in  life you v thought so much. The suffering lacerates you to a new,stronger you.

It not just acquaints you to the new identity,but also makes you lay open to your talents which you were unaware of. It tells you of your limitations,of what you can/cannot do. It was the shrilling pain inside you that helped you make that wonderful music,or write down the book about your journey of problems. No matter how hard you may try to not to feel bad,of to keep your emotions under control,you are not able to do that. And that's when and where you realize how pragmatic you are,of what's your tendency on reacting to direst situations. Sufferings leave you with supernatural powers.

Lastly, sufferings leave you with experiences. Valuable experiences. You recount memories,and feel of what you should/should not have done.That you didnt devote your time on your mother while she was ailing,leaves you with lessons of what NOT to be done in future,so that you do not lose your another close-ones. It gives you an experience of what sortof people you should trust,who would stand by you in your difficult times.

HOW TO REACT in situations of sufferings

"Emotional outbursts" are not mandatory,please understand this. Some people also find it that its moral responsibility to suffer in arid situations,that it is a responsibility to respond well to it. Its not that,but also,it doesn't mean that you try to create a jocund environment,or try to rejuvenate  the hedonism by going around partying. What you must do is,transform the pain into holiness. And this does NOT mean you sit hours chanting rhymes infront of idols in the temples. It means,convert your pain into something holy. Spawn donations in name of your beloved one, distribute clothes and food among the poor. THAT is what is being holy- serve the mankind.

Recovering from a suffering is like recovering from a disease. Many people won't come out absolutely healed,but they would come new. and that is why I say,sufferings are as desirable as happiness.

This is NOT about aping the West!

*This blogpost picks up on those who are against LGBT rights,those Neanderthals who proclaim that they are something unnecessary,a travailing effort by Indians to call themselves "westernized"

"Supreme Court rejects the plea to review gay sex"
Really? Someone please pinch me,is it really 21st Century India that Iam living in?

The judgement left me flummoxed. At an age where we are so invigorous about standing for our birth rights,this judgement is really hard to accept. Not just because it is an anachronism,but also because it deprives us of our fundamental human rights.

So,what is the basis of this Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code? 
The section reads that same-sex relations are a crime,it bans homosexuality. It was included in our system back in 1967,by Lord McCaulay who introduced this with an objective of creating a different race of Indians who were English in their own ways( " anglicised",which they refer to as),ones who were more capable of doing the "raj".

Today, Britain is bereft of the anti-homosexuality law,but we STILL continue to espouse them. Contemplating and comical,isnt it?

They say,that if we fight for the LGBT rights, we are trying to be westernised. Seriously? Well,lets not talk about the west then. Even if you look at the Eastern countries,we see that a country such as Kazakhsthan accepted the homosexuality rights back  in 1998. Japan,a country rich and known for its morals and traditions, made its doors open to the LGBTs a long back,in 1880. A country less developed than India,Indonesia,too gives full freedom to its citizens to choose for their "nature of love". 
Talking about the previously colonised countries,isnt  it surprising that South Africa never really had any law prohibiting love among the "female-lovers"(lesbians,which they term as)..the gay rights were later introduced in 2007 in their system. Oh Indian politicians and judiciary,if not this,atleast reckon at the neighbouring Nepal,which too opened its doors for LGBTs in 2007.

So what do we say now? Are we trying to be "Easternised"?
A sense of respect for Belgians clouds me,who have whole-heartedly accepted their single and gay PM,probably the single most gay PM in the whole world.

How and why same-sex attraction is unnatural is a point of debate for me..when it is the nature itself has seeded such "kind of attraction" in the gays and lesbians? 
And why is there a need to pry about their bedroom-behaviour?? Don't you call them grotesque ,it is US acting deformed here,not THEM.

A simple fact that a law which is smothering a large set of citizens,which makes them feel continually alienated in this country can NEVER be for good,and is only a jinx doesn't seem to be understood by our much "erudite"(yes,pun totally intended) elderly of our country.It was in HT that I read this news,and I cannot imagine what throes this person had to face :

"On 16 December, D, 25, a Kolkata resident, was returning home, from the fashion boutique he owns, when some people on the street threw eggs at him. A day or two earlier, a group of approximately seven men from the neighbourhood had blocked his way, demanding to know how much they would have to pay him in return for sexual favours. He was also groped on the street. D, or Diya as he is known among friends, is a man who is feminine in his ways. Sometimes, though not often, he likes to dress like a woman and wear make-up. He is a transgender, in love with another man."

And its not just about a singleton..its not about this single person,or just this single event. There are such uncountable persons which have to face such uncountable events,as the people in our country still continue to treat them as disparate species.

Hoping for a day when this hypocritical and enslaved country ..a country freed from the Britishers but still is their slave in its own sense, would be empathetic to its citizens, Iam reminded of that what once Rabrindranath Tagore quoted:

   "    Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."

Why I would like to return to the 70s

Being born in the 1990s doesnt make me feel good. I wish I had experienced  the 70s.
"What"? "Why"? "Oh shes such an oldie at heart" are the reactions which would follow,but I have my own reasons,queer unconnected reasons for this wish...going through which Iam sure you too will be left ravishing with a desire to be a '70s kid. Check them out:

1. '70s was the best time in music
And no one would disagree to this. This was the time of the  culminating activities of the most prominent bands that we love to listen today : aerosmith, black sabbath, scorpions, led zepplin ,metallica,GNR...you name it and they all are a '70s production. Even if you talk about the hindi-music industry, 70s was one time where the musical-arena was bustling with the best musicians we'v ever had: Kishore kumar, Mukesh, Lata Mangeshkar, Manna Dey,Lakshmikant Pyarelal and who not. It was then,when the music was natural and less artificial,as the kind of music today. Its an age where Honey Singh's vacuous "songs" are given preference over good music such as of Harbhajan Mann(I cannot choose NOT to recount the incident where he was pelted with stones by the audience for not singing "hep" songs). Music today,in our industry has become a farcical element.

2. Would not get to listen to "humare zamane me yeh","humare zamane me voh" sentences
I do not believe there's a single brown kid in this world who has made through the situations  without listening to the "humare zamane mein... " sentence from his parent. Our parents are habitual of comparing the contemporary environment with the one  in which they used to live about 40 yrs ago.

"Mummy,mein party ja rhi hun,rat ko der hojaegi thodi"
parents: "humare zamane me ladki 9 baje k bad bahar nahi ja sakti thi"
 
"Mujhe nahi karne ka mann ye kam!"
parents: "humare zamane me jo ma-bap kehte the hum vohi karte the hum bhi"

"Mera friend rahul mujhe ghar se pickup krlega"
parents: Humare zamane me ladko k sath akele ghoomne vali ladki ko achha nahi mana jata tha"

Though they would ultimately agree to your wish,but they wont let any situation go without inserting the 'humare zamane mein.." sentence. Parents,we love you for agreeing to our wishes all the time..only to realise that this single statement has extenuated the whole value of your munificence to us.

3.'70s was a colorful,and stylish era
Did you miss to notice how everything is so colorful and chic in the 70s movies? You cannot overlook Sharmila Tagore's long-dense eyelashes or Rekha's strong dash of kajal and eyeliner. Not to forget the most scenic beauty of the hero and  heroine(in yellow polka-dot ),driving their pink Lotus car amidst roads surrounded with yellow resplendant fields. Now,its a cult to adopt styles which are '70s-borne: anarkali suits,the puffs,bellbottom pants..our actors were true fashionistas.

4.The concept of true love:
There is a hunch which persuades me to believe that "love" used to be sincere earlier. Or rather I would say,its less sincere these days,in my generation.
This was the main reason behind why I dont like to be born in '90s..the whole concept of love has changed. The boundaries are easily-flexible today. People get unreluctantly into "timepass-relationships". Its not a big deal now to be in "love" with someone,while flirting with the other . Both the partners in "love" won't mind "trying out something/someone new" if given a chance. "Sab chalta hai yar humare beech" was the sentence that my friend said to me when I asked him if his gf doesnt mind him being playful to other girls. "Hume bas itna pata hai,ek doosre ki taraf love rakhna hai,sincerity rkhni hai.. in the end" was the statement that followed (and that made me laugh within,seriously).
Is it just me who has encountered such "lovers" or you too believe that "love" and its ways have changed in all these years?

5. The Peaceful,and healthy 1970s:
We are surrounded with things that are making us gradually sick. Talk about the technology,talk about the junk food,talk about how disturbing everything is today. How many of you can spend your day without checking your mobile phone? How many of you can manage without logging in to the social networking sites every week? Or how many of you can spend a week without gluttoning that yummy junk food? Not many.

My parents say everything in their time used to be healthier than today: then be it the air that we breathe(used to be cleaner than it is now), or the healthy food they used to binge-eat WITHOUT ADDING ON WEIGHT, of why there were no gyms earlier(and why we have them now: I must confess, we have become slow,lazy and inactive today), and how they were more into nature than technology,opposite of what we are today. Seems like everything was at its perfect place earlier.


I believe that more than the "gimmick factor" of 70s,it is more of the despondence born out of the the present environment that makes me wish I was a 70s kid. Take for instance, the people of my generation act fake,put in extra effort just to look "cool".  I have seen many who take on to drinking,hookah and what not for the mere "coolness factor".
Also,this whole "technological advancement" may be a positive change,but I seriously wish at times that there would have been none. I cannot express how much distracting my mobile becomes at times,that how much tension other technological sources jinx upon the children today.
Lastly,it hurts me when my generation say "discrimination has ended,quota is not needed" but would,at the same time,be reluctant to marry the subcaste person. Such hipocracy and double-standards saddens me,such negativity makes me wish I was born in a better age.

Atleast everything was in its true form in 1970s,than this masqueraded and "shimmering-on-the-top-rotten-under-the-veil" form of my generation today.

The funny Indian politics

*in continuation to the legion of past-grudges relating to the Indian society*

And every time it is the insanity-factor of our society that propels me to write another blog post. The recent scene of a dream by a seer driving our government to search for tones of gold buried in a temple in UP is a preposterous, and a shameful act. But what mortifies me more is the political opposition leader Mr. Modi amusing about it in his speech, and later apologizing to the clairvoyant for "saying something which he never meant".

There are two main things I can decipher from the above incident:
1.Our government is based on dreams. It is now I understand why they joke that Mr. Manmohan is always sleeping, because that is the most important task to be done in a sleepo-ment"
("parliament", which they used to refer earlier ). With the UPA bringing out a plethora of new policies every year, how many of them actually bring out a significant change in the society? What about the laws like the one which banned the use of plastic bags, or the Indo-US nuclear pact deal that was signed about 6yrs ago? They said that the deal would introduce a remarkable surplus in generation of electricity. Probably, their statistics were based on dreams too. Everyone is sleeping here, dreaming that something remarkable will be gifted naturally to them.. it's no longer just about the tones of gold that they fantasized about, it's about the characteristics of the whole cadre on which our country is relying.

2. Cheap politics re-iterated. If ever Mr. Modi was so confident on what he is speaking, or what he is mocking about, then why did he apologize to the seer aftermath? It now comes up that he has praised the seer for his "austerity and renunciation". His emissary to the seer claimed that the Gujarat CM never "meant what he said". We all are aware of his oratory skills.. Modi is one person whose strong-headed speeches have won accolades. Do you still believe he was unaware of what he was saying, and its consequences? This incident, co-incidentally, also overcasts his sense of enduring to maintain diplomatic relationships with every community. That is why I call it a cheap politics.

Forget everything, what constantly makes me irascible about the Indian society is the degree to which such incidents are given importance in our country. Now and then, we have our "noble" politicians playing war of dirty words with each other,( refer to http://www.slideshare.net/chandanrajbiotech/war-of-words-of-indias-political-biggies-11332891)  analogous to the mere tiffs among housewives which we are entertained to in our societies everyday. I've seldom heard about such statements from politicians creating a whole pandemonic scene in the US politics. When I read about them, its always related to issues such as their take on world terrorism, the measures they are taking to overtake it, stock market and all the other issues which must be priority of every country. In a stark contrast, while I read the "nation" section of my newspaper ,I get to see headlines related to this cheap politics here. Its a high time someone explain our politicians that there are issues much more important than the whole "gold excavation drama" which need their attention.  

Desperately Modern?

The other day, I was dismayed to see the results of a survey recently conducted by HT. The survey was based on what the youth of today thinks when it comes to the concept of women's freedom,live-in relationships,premarital sex and other strong angles relating to relationships and the patriarchal society

The results are as follows:
"More than half of the youth surveyed,women included,feel that the right age for a woman to get married is between 21 and 24 yrs.Less than 2% think that it is acceptable to get married after thirty.
Almost 42% men surveyed still think that whistling  or catcalling women is harmless fun About 64.4% women still want their husband to be virgin(sic)." I guess you have now got an idea of what Iam talking about...yes,it is the youth who calls itself to be "modern".

This is a crippled behavior of our society. We have guys in here,who want the hottest girl in the town to be their girlfriend,someone they can hangout with,someone who they can "showoff" to their friends with utmost pride. But,when it comes to introducing the same girl to their family,or marrying that same girl,they still prefer a घरेलु संस्कारी लड़की "जो घर के अन्दर रहे ". We still have people around us who profess that its absolutely "okay" for a girl to smoke,who would connive if the girl in their gang switches to cigarettes and drinks..its their choice,they say..but then what about the statistics? 50% youth say that a women who drinks and smokes have a "bad character". Mind that,FIFTY percent! Saddening,that whether a girl drinks is a criteria of how much respect she"ll be dealt with,how her "character" will be seen as.

You want another heartbreaking fact? About 55% youth think that marriages are meant to last forever,and divorce is never an option. Okay,this is positive at one end..you don't give up easily and things might work out to a resplendent life. But,what about the couples who know that its a complete,a thick-layered NO? A women continues to get beaten up by her husband for no reason and still thinks its absolutely normal. ITS NOT!

Here's a last one from the "wannabe moderns" : 66.2% youths are not willing to marry someone from a lower caste. Hah! That speaks much..the same people cannot stop ranting how "Quota system is no longer needed,there is no caste discrimination in today's world". Clever,isn't it?

Though the survey is all about the youth in general.but I would like to target the male audience in our country more,as they are the ones who primarily encourage such facts (Accept it or not,ours' is a patriarchal society..the doers here are the males). A satisfactory 52.7% women claim themselves to be feminists and know to fight against the above mentioned stupid notions..so yes,I would particularly target the guys. They are the ones with most double standards,it seems,who know "what" to do, with what "type of girl"(objects,are we? sounds like that!) We still have young people around us,who think that the main reason why girls wear short clothes is that they want to intimidate guys (get a life). I was surprised to hear from a male friend of mine when he said it doesn't suit girls to use invectives in their speech. And then you are gauged of your संस्कार on that basis. The youth seriously need to get a life.

That is why I call them "wannabe'd moderns"..someone who is old and conservative from inside but shows himself to be open to all the ideas. They appear to be veneered with modernity,but are utmost "backward" in their crude structures. We have anachronistic pieces all around us in our society..they must not be here in this 21st Century.

A quest to the meaning of "Beauty"

How would you describe the word "beautiful"?
I had been pondering to the actual concept of "beauty" for a long time now.  How would you describe a beautiful woman,are there any scientifically-defined requirements to be counted as beautiful? Or is beauty all about what the other person sees,of his perception?

Across the cultures,the concept of "beautiful women" vary.
For example,In America,women who are slim are considered more desirable and beautiful, while, in Mauritania being skinny is definitely not a sign of beauty. Here a beautiful woman is a woman with curves…big curves. The female members of the Kayan tribe (situated on the border between Burma and Thailand) have another idea of beauty. Also known as “long necks”, they measure a woman’s beauty according to the brass rings wore around the neck. As they grow older they increase the number of rings which gives them an elongated neck appearance. In some other areas,a women with a broad jaw line,or sullen lips is considered beautiful.

An ostensible idea out of what has been described above is: the concept of beauty varies across different continents,and "beautiful" is thus something dictated by cultures.


True? I don't agree with this conception. We all have heard the famous proverb: "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder". Now consider this: In Middle East,the idea of a 'beautiful woman" is not related to what one sees,but what one imagines about. One believes the women behind the black cover(which runs from their head to toe)  to be beautiful by their fragrance,or by their eyes. Which brings us to the conclusion,that beauty is not in what one sees,it lies in what image their brain contemplate,in how beautiful THEIR mind and heart is.


If we look at the above maxim through an angle of practicality,we see its loopholes . We have many instances where "beauty" is measured by how a person appears. How many girls would agree to marry a guy not-good-looking enough (Iv banned the word "ugly" from my dictionary,there is nothing "ugly",I believe! It may be "less-good-looking",but not ugly! ),or someone who is half her height? (leave alone the idea if the guy being affluent) If at all beauty is just about "eyes of the beholder",then why do we still cant stop gazing at the beauty of Megan Fox? Why do women still continue to feel jealous from that lady with pout-lips,slender neck,sharp nose,big eyes? Seems like beauty is ACTUALLY all about the physical appearance,isnt it?

The above two explanations of "beauty" are a paradox in themselves. We have proved,that beauty is neither gimmicky,nor is it solely based on the "beauty in the eyes of the beholder",what can possibly be "beauty" then?

Wikipedia describes the word "beauty" as "a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction". Fair enough,anything capable to bring the euphoria back,something which makes us feel happy is beautiful. Beauty lies in the children playing the park,or the rainbow in the sky. To a bird in the cage,beauty is "freedom to fly"; to that rag-picker lad on the road,beauty is in a sumptuous meal,or clean clothes ;to a child who has been alone since childhood,beauty is the image of his mother. This succumbs us to the conclusion, beauty is in EVERYTHING : it holds no specific definition. We are surrounded by different things beautiful in their own ways.  And thus,it had been rightly said:

                    

                      “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it." - Confuscius

From negative,to positive- my blooming sense of respect for Indians! :D

All those who are close to me know how much I "love" Indians(read my previous posts,you'll get to know how much I "adore" all the Indian elements). There are innumerable reasons which make me hate them,but lately,Iv developed a feeling of respect towards the Indians. What made the transitions? Read below,you"ll start "respecting" them too!

1.Their consistency- superlative and incomparable. Why do we always reach late at our workplace,and seem not to change this habit unless given the last warning? Why do we continue to take things for-granted unless we get to see the consequences? Take for example,the working of our very own government. It has been consistent-in not bringing out any change in the current status of education,of being passive when it comes to increasing job opportunities for citizens,of being negligent to the requests of the citizens for a commodity as vital as clean drinking water(remember the latest scene of the deaths that took place in the NCERT colony due to "murky" water that was being supplied to them,something which the residents have been complaining about to the officials for long) .We are so obstinate!

                                    

                             

2.Business minded- No,I dont mean to say that non-Indians are not sharp minded when it comes to making money. All Iam referring here,is the extent to which people can stoop down to make money. The incomparable example,is the very own Uttarakhand- kedarnath flood scene: the locales are busy making money out of the scene at such a time. A rescued pilgrim revealed that they were robbed by some miscreants. More shockingly , thieves are not even sparing those who have lost their lives in the disaster. The bodies of pilgrims were robbed of money and jewellery. Even their trousers, belts  and other valuables are being stolen.I need not to exemplify my point further. 'Nuff said.

3. Indians have one quirky trait,they sound very promising and persuading (do NOT pre-assume that they fulfil their promises as well,because in most of their cases,they do not). The politicians promise us multifarious things every year,how many of them get fulfilled? None.  Every other salesman tend to prove that their product is of the best quality. "Gurantee hai iski,chahe 2 bar dho ya 10 bar,color aisa hi rahega is shirt ka madam ji". And then what happens after the first use? you feel fooled,neither can you complain to anyone because you know,its a common practice! I have seen students who will say on the face, "yar tu marle bunk,mein proxy laga dungi" and how much they actually help,we all know!

4.Chivalrous- that's what describes majority of them. "Oh you spoke against me?dare you,you are dead"(and really,the person is found dead next day. There have been innumerable cases where collegiates have been reported to be involved in similar cases). "Tu janta hai mein kiska beta hun? Tera bap mera kuch nhi bigad sakta!" And if you think this attitude is restrained just to guys,you are probably wrong. Ladies here are courageous enough too,you can get to see their gallant side on a situation as mere as a light scuffle between her son and the child in your family. I "love" Indians for their chivalry.

                                     

5. Philanthropist- really?
Yes,they suddenly turn good philanthropists when it comes to their purpose. They wont think even for a second when it requires filling the houses of  an officer with gifts,whom they have requested for some favor(but it hurts them so deeply to give away a piece from their wardrobe,no longer in use, to the homeless out there on the road). They suddenly engage themselves in the work of social welfare,when they have a purpose. We all wondered what could be the reason behind Mr. Ahluwalia working so hard to serve the poor,we have always known him as a haughty,rich man. It was when someone told us that Panditji had asked him to do jal-seva every Tuesday outside the temple for 2 hours,which will help to remove the "grehen" from his "kundli". Had it been a case where Mr. Ahluwalia would've been asked to do charity with zero profit,he would've denied without any second thought.

Its not just these things,I can go on writing about their traits unceasingly(as I've already mentioned in one of my previous post) Indians and their eccentricity are,and will be topics of interest to me forever,it seems.

TOP 5 STRESS BUSTERS

The secret to my normalcy

We are humans: we tend to be upredictable about our emotional outflows. Our expressions and moods vary over a drastically injurious range,specially if you are a girl, I can very well imagine how much your moods hurt you. Its normal,its good, until you dont regret over your emotional effusion.

I get the blues,too. A lot of people around me have started thinking that "I was in a terrible mood last night" is merely my pet excuse. Such people induce stress,i wish I had none of them in my life!

The following are my ways to deal with stress..some of them may be common(and that maybe because most of the girls are alike),but I still wish to list them for it may turn out to be something new for the other person:

1.Get rid of the "stress germs":
These are one category of those people around you who are important to you,but are a major source of stress. They can be a very close friend getting annoyed everytime you don't answer his call/reply to his text,or someone whom you feel strongly for,but his lackadaisical attitude towards you breaks down your heart. Get rid of them. Make space only for positive people in your life,with whom you cannot feel even an ounce of stress,and you dont need to think before you act. Ignore the stress germs,that's what hurt them most.

2.Listen to GNR :
I don't think anyone can question their talent(no one can DARE to). A combination of Axl Rose'  voice and Slash's electronic guitar is enough to bring the euphoria back.

3.Get a good sleep:
I know its not so easy to sleep when stressed,but it becomes easy once you are used to it. Its much like the toddlers,who go into a deep sleep after crying clamorously,aftermath of which they are absolutely normal. Cry,if you are not getting the sleep,but it should not be an infinite task. This should work,and incase it doesnt,try the next one.

4.Talk to someone:
Share your problems. Bottling up your emotions wont help,it would just increase the inthrust,causing the bottle to break away. It is advisable to have that one friend with whom you can share everything.
Tip: do not share everything blindly. My personal opinion is, no one can be fully trusted. To find out that one trustworthy friend to share everything with,listen first and then proceed: listen to how he responds. If he's assertive of speaking his views rather than listening more to you,he might not be of much use.

5."It's a phase: everyone has been through it"

Think of the positive side,don't think of yourself as an exception of "WHY" you are the victim (that's what most people question whenever a "dis-opportunity" befalls them). Some of the most famous positive views are:
a.This problem has made me more strong,for sure,i don't regret facing it. I need not to stress about it,thus.

b.The sky is always clearer after an eclipse. Its the same phase of the eclipse. Happier things are to follow.

c.Stress will take away my grace,and make me look aged. I cannot compromise for it.

I would sound impractical if I say these steps assure freedom from stress. Nothing can,even if you meditate it doesn't take away your stress completely,it can just divert your mind from the main point. Every step mentioned above can help to extenuate your unconsciousness,but the main solution lies in how you take things: you can choose to act like a hero:set straight up to face the problem,OR ,the loser:tensed and timid.

Superstitions: Why you should believe in them

I have never thought of pondering upon the presence or absence of superstitions,because  I've never believed that they exist. But yet, I continue to support them in a way or the other: I wear a 'kada',I believe in lighting up the incense stick infront of the god's idols before starting my day and some other gestures supporting it,too. Lately,Iv observed,it's just not me who supports them, but everyone around me does..and yes,I mean EVERYONE,just the level of practicing differs.

Now think about it : we,the educated ones,condemn the illiterates for practicing the "rigorous" superstitious practices,but we don't mind practicing them by ourselves. Well,Iam not supporting here the yogi babas who wouldn't even mind crushing a newly born's head by dancing insanely over him in the name of "freeing his body from the clutches of evil spirits"(it actually happened! The poor child died after a long struggle) but all Iam saying is,if we are educated enough to differentiate between the good and the bad,then why do we still support these superstitious beliefs?

I read it somewhere:One study found that a group of seemingly rational Princeton students nonetheless believed that they had influenced the Super Bowl just by watching it on TV. It's just not this,I have a huge list of the most funny superstitious beliefs in my closet,out of which some are as follows:

1. In Russia, the students follow a "freebie-catching" ritual  one night before their exam. Freebies refer to a good grade that a student may get when he has not prepared for the exam. So,the students shake out their book out of the window,in the air,saying "come freebie! No matter big or small,come!" and the book is closed,not opened till the exam time next day.

2. The "hollow bread" superstition: If you cut down a loaf and happen to find a hole in the loaf,the hole would signify a coffin and someone around you was to face death soon. Many people in the world still continue to believe in it. If it were so,I believe the bread maker should be arrested...for being guilty of making a bread with a hole :D

3.Black cat crossing your path: The poor creature would never have thought himself that his existence would be considered inauspicious. We see people,no matter how much they would be running late,still would not mind joining the queue of people waiting for someone to break the demarcation set by the black cat. A black cat is believed to have the soul of Satan himself. Poor overhyped creature.

4. Spilling salt: People seem to have a lot of issues with salt- its the notorious one in the superstitious world. Salt is considered to be a commodity that invites devil spirits. There are a lot of facts related to this,some of which are even written in Bible.So look before you take the act of splling salt forgranted,for you may be knocked down by devils :p

But is all this brouhaha worthy? I believe in a sense,yes.
Superstitions at times help you to find a rational logic out the the irrational,reasons why things around you are that way. When we don't find a reason,why you are living life in a misery,while the other person you know who is cunning to an unbelievable extent is happier than you are,you blame it on the "karma". You always have the support of "what is destined will happen,your efforts will make no changes" when you fail to make a change,then be it an explanation to why you weren't able to score good in an exam for which you had prepared to excellency. You always have the fear of the god in mind,which saves you,at times from doing the bad.."apni karni sabko bhugatni padti hai",remember? 

So lets accept it,in totality: Superstitions have no downside,unless they create an obsession or psychosis.They are for our good..leave alone the ideas of using them as a vindication of your mistake/lack of sincerity in trying to bring about the change. You  CANNOT blame the freebie for not scoring good,or you CANNOT blame the destiny for you choosing the wrong path.
So next time you see your classmate adorning a "mathateeka" for his exam, do not make the fun out of it,for there is even a study which says that superstitions do help in bringing luck . Maybe,he would score better than you just by mere gesture,who knows!