RIDING THROUGH THE HIGHS AND LOWS.

I won't be lying if I say that I have been a little lost.

A 25 year old me disdained the people for their lack of interest in learning new things in life, so, this was difficult for me to confess. A part of me is twitching right now for putting it out in public. A part of me regrets for not living up to the expectations that I had set for myself previously.

It wasn't always like this.There was a time when something as mundane as Instagram gave me a purpose to live my life to the fullest. Hailing from a generation which texted on QWERTY mobiles and took four clicks on button to type a digit (remember the sequence? "abcd1")], it was a different world to me which made me see the things I am yet to do in life. I remember scrolling through the feed and stumbling upon to see posts of the new, western form of yoga. Yoga never looked so cool before this. Inspired, I started doing yoga by myself, learning all the yoga postures from Instagram. I never took any yoga class in the process, instead, I chose the longer route of doing mistakes and learning from them. It wasn't the best way to learn, but I enjoyed the process. You never know how time flies by when you enjoy something so much. The journey towards learning is quite underrated. I can now get into postures that look like acrobatics to some, such as the following:

 

"Wow Shreya, you are so good at it now. You are strong and confident. Not many people can do yoga like this. " : I said to myself. I was enjoying this process of self discovery.

Meanwhile, I also picked up learning to play ukulele. It was intimidating at first, as I already had a failed experience with guitar. I wanted to sing songs without requesting someone to give the music for me. This little thought in itself was so self liberating. I was super proud of myself.

A little later, I took up running. A 7-8 km of running almost everyday for a month which culminated into a 21km long marathon and in which I managed to secure second spot. For someone who had prior experience to run in any marathon, it may not have been the best decision to participate in the half marathon straight away without training and strategy. I remember being sick for a week after the run, but deep inside I was happy to prove myself that "I can do anything" and that I would never stop learning in life. It was an all time high- moment in my life.

Fast forward to 2020, the year of pandemic where we were confined in our home. I started drawing and coloring using oil pastels. This was a very short stint and ended with this piece:

                                             

Anyway, one might think that there is nothing big about doing yoga or playing ukulele, then why am I writing about it? Relax, for I am not a yoga trainer nor am I a music trainer advertising  myself. 

To conclude, I always tried to be as productive as I can in my own small ways and I had some achievements in my pocket to make myself happy. Each time I learnt something new, the achiever in me swelled up.

The year 2020 was a trough in my wave of happiness. When I look back, I regret. I regret for not utilizing my potential to learn something new, not being inspired enough to fix PCOS, not volunteering for social causes and not making a final call on career. A part of me was fully convinced at one time to "settle" in an arranged marriage to bring some happiness and change in life. Don't guffaw, I realize it was very foolish of me. 

As I write this post, I am reminiscent of the mistakes that I made. I am not very proud, but I guess that's a part of learning: some just fall, while some fall to break their nose. The latter learns more and always remembers to save their nose first the next time he falls. 

In the upcoming days, you will see me writing more. I fell on my nose and this is a small attempt to fix things. Wish me best of luck!